Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Here We Go

Well, here we go with round two. Yes, I started this blog earlier this year, and then I deleted it. I deleted in a depressive-don't wanna do it state of mind. But I'm back.

I re-discovered an old friends blog today and it lit a fire under my hiney. She started out close to 300 pounds and a year later is sitting around 190 pounds. How did she do it? Perseverance. Something I could use a little of. I too am near 300 pounds. I'm not quite ready to reveal my true weight. I need a little help I think. But I know in my heart that I need to do something about it.

This is not the person my husband fell in love with and married. I have been unhappy with my body since I can remember (probably my early 20s). Having two children in under two years doesn't help my case any. I mean I was four months post partum when we conceived E. Gah, how did I get to be this obese shell of a person? I think along the way of gaining weight I've managed to lose my personality. I just think that "this" person isn't the real me. I want to find the real me, the one who eats sensibly, who works out, who MAKES time for working out, who is able to keep up with her children. Who isn't afraid to be in a photograph with her children. I think that's another issue that has me down. Looking back there are very few photographs with me and my children because I'm ashamed of the way I look. My children aren't going to have many photographs of me and I want to change that.

So you get a picture of what I'm going through here's a short timeline of me from the past to present.
1998, Senior year of high school, prom to be exact. A nice, healthy 160 pounds. :)

2007, Our Wedding Day. If memory serves right I weighed 224 pounds. I was in a size 18W wedding dress.
  
September 2010. This is the most current picture of me. Not a pretty one at all. That is me, 275 pounds.
Wow, I didn't think I'd actually be able to put my weight on there, but I did it. That was a huge milestone. As for goals, I have a number rolling around my brain as to where I want to get. But for now I will start out with my first goal of rowing tomorrow at home. I WILL DO IT! With the support of my husband, I know I can.

So this will be the beginning of my journey. A journey to a new me, a healthy me, and a me that I will love again. I just have to say thanks to my friend for helping to jump start this journey.

2 comments:

Christina said...

HEY, STRANGER!!! Grea first step, starting this blog! I am totally here to support you! Thanks for the shout out.

I know what you mean about feeling like a shell of a person and not wanting to be in pictures. There aren't many pics of me in Ram from the first year and a half of his life

Don't wait to love yourself. Loving yourself now is one of the best things you can do! Put the right foods in your body and exercise because you love yourself, not because you're punishing yourself.

Big hugs!! Putting your weight out there for everyone to see certainly makes it feel more real. You can do this! :)

Congrats on baby #2, by the way!

BnE's Mommy said...

Thank you for everything :)

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