Thursday, January 5, 2012

The Mental Side of Town

Last night I had a break down, not a break through, but a break down. I sobbed/cried uncontrollably at the thought of hitting the one year mark and still being at square one. I Google a ton of ideas, gimmicks and in the end had to go to bed. I just couldn't take much more.

My mental state seems to be in a very unstable place right now & I'm finding myself very, very hormonal. It dawned on me today...my son has been slowly weaning the last month and I've been dealing with the affects of attempting to dry myself up. So factor in that my hormones are changing/decreasing and what have you and the fact that I realize I will never nurse another child of my own...and I'm a wreck. We worked so hard to make everything happen so that I could breastfeed, here we are shy of two years later and it's nearly run it's course. While I'll be glad to call my breasts my own again, they aren't the same. But hey, who's aren't after having children?

Another issue I've tossed around is the fact that I feel guilty for letting myself slide backwards after making so much great progress. I let the eating habits fall into the toilet. I've gone backwards and I think I'm really pissed at myself which causes me to cry about it. I guess you could call me a cry baby, but whatever. At least I'm trying to face my demons. I'm trying to figure out where to go from here...

2 comments:

Debby said...

You cant change the past, only learn from it!!!!
ONe of my favorite quotes:Failure is not important unless it's the last time you try.
So grab your boot straps and find a plan, and get movin!! I know you can do it!!

Mrs. Mommy said...

HUGS!!!!! Oh..my.. gosh...I so had many of the same feelings when I stopped nursing. It's natural.

Here is my confession...I started my first blog and "after baby" weight loss the same time Jo from 282point5.blogspot.com started. She has made tons of fabulous progress and I'm right back at the beginning. But, my will and desire are different now.

So what I am saying is that there is a right time for everyone. Maybe your time is future and not past. :)

You know, I read once that a woman's hormones don't go back to "normal" for three years after giving birth. I think nursing may make it even longer. For me I think the battle with my hormones made me feel like I couldn't focus on myself and my daughter. It was one or the other. Plus the depression I was suffering from the hormones didn't help.

So take some time to refocus. Try something new - a new workout, a new diet plan (I like weight watchers), something nice just for you (I got my haircut into a new style). Remember that the better you take care of yourself, the better you are really taking care of your baby. (I learned that from Dr. OZ - his show is very inspiring btw!)

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