Soul Searching

I have come to the realization that I have been holding myself back. Not seeing the scale budge has put me in a major funk. Now, you know that I know that the scale is not the only form of measurement. But when you've been on a journey for this long and are accustomed to seeing definitive numbers change and then it stops...you tend to get discouraged.

I have seen changes in my physical appearance, more definition in my muscles, definitely feeling stronger in my legs, but I NEED to see the scale move. I lust after seeing a "1" at the beginning of my weight. Is this an issue for me? Yes. It has become a revolving issue that seems to have me paralyzed, fixated to the point of self sabatoge.

Looking back things seemed like such a cake walk. I eat, I work out, the weight fell off. Now...I've fallen off track. I just need to figure out how to get that drive back. I still workout regularly but I'm not seeing the progress I think I should see. Am I delusional? Is this normal, to work so hard for two years and then hit a brick wall? I hate feeling like a negative Nancy...I prefer my positive upbeat self over this sad, disappointed persona that has shown through.

I've narrowed my problems down:

• I cheat too much - I've worked really hard on this issue this month and made it 24 days without a cheat.
• Winter weather sucks - I love running, particularly in hot hot hot weather and I just cannot make myself get out there in this arctic air.  I need more cardio...seriously. I have actually contemplated selling a kidney for a decent treadmill.  (Just kidding)
• I let the numbers define me - I'm 100% a numbers person. I have to see those changes in a definitive way. I long for the mornings that the scale shows a reduction in weight and completely trash talk myself when it doesn't move.
• I know my weaknesses - I know that chocolate and sweet junk are the death of me. I try to tell myself it's okay to have a "little of this" in the house for the kids, but I know in my heart it will end up passing through my lips.  I cannot resist it. The only way it's possible to keep it around is if my husband hides it. If I don't know it's there, I cannot crave it.
• I think I can hide it - All too often I sneak a bite of this or that, and those bites add up. It's all too true, what you eat in private, you wear in public.

So , as I do most nights, I peruse my IG feed and run across this amazing fit quote and "BAM" it hits me. All of these problems, those are exactly describing the old me. The one who was unhappy, weak and tired. I absolutely cannot go back there. I refuse to go back there.  The answers are right in front of me. I know my weaknesses, and strengths. I have done this before and I will continue to do this. I'm starting at square one and making it work once again. I will adjust my nutrition plan to suit me and my needs and tweak it as needed. I will trash the junk in our home. I will get myself back down the path to good health (not that I truly left it).

I will do this. I will defeat the old me once and for all. I am strong. I am working every day to be the best version of myself. I can do this.

Groundhog Run 5k

The first race of the season has been completed!

Pre-Race

Post Race

Chip Time: 39:47.7 | Age Place: 127/171 | Overall Place: 1386/1801

I'm excited to see what this year's race season brings. We, Marisa & I, now have a solid base to start with and we look forward to improving our time!

Happy 2014

Wow...it's been a while since I've blogged. I've been keeping up daily with my instagram account, so I in no way have quit.

Things are starting off rocky for me this year. A little back story; we surprised my grandparents on Christmas day by having the family show up at the house for a get together.  I brought my camera and just tried to capture the moments we shared as a family. As it turned out, our time with Grandpa would be one of the last special moments we would share as a whole family. A few days after Christmas, Grandpa suffered a stroke to the right side of his brain.  He has spent the last couple of weeks in the hospital, while the doctors determined the severity of his condition. In the end, there is a very unlikely chance he will ever return home. As of this afternoon he has Ben transferred to a rehabilitation facility where he will he likely spend the remainder of his life. It's a lot to take in emotionally.

The other issue I've now been forced to face is saying "goodbye for now" to my training partner, motivator and friend. For the last month or more, I've been weight training with my friend, helping her strengthen herself so that she could enlist in the Marines. This has been her dream, to join, to serve and to make her country proud.  We had a deadline of when she would be shipping off  to bootcamp. That changed from February to the end of January. I honestly thought we'd have more time together until I received the bombshell text yesterday.

She was offered a contract on the job she wanted, she jumped at the chance and they shipped her out this morning. My friend and motivator is gone. I am beyond devastated. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled she is chasing her dreams. She has worked so hard to get this far., but it has left a major hole in my soul. I cried all yesterday afternoon and evening. I was literally a blubbering baby.

Today has gone a little but better. I talked to her Mommy and offered to workout with her while my friend is away. I made some promises to my friend and I intend to keep them. I also really and truly thought  about why this situation is making me so sad.  My husband even questioned why is making me so upset and I believe I now know why.

I truly do not have many friends who know the ins and outs of my fitness habits and training practices. There are few people I see on an almost daily basis who believe in the same dreams I do. Dreams where I can accomplish whatever I want. There is no one, besides my friend, who motivates me when I want to quit mid-workout; when I think "it's too much weight to lift." We seriously push each other through every session whether it be lifting or fitness class. Saturday I finally decided to go with it and started Krav Maga and she was there for me, helping me, making me understand. I feel lost because our friendship has been so strong and now... she's not here.

I don't wish for her to return early, I want her to be successful in bootcamp and become the best Marine she can be. I am grateful she thought highly enough of me to ask for help so that she could chase her dream. In return I am going to work my butt off and stay motivated, keeping my promises and I am going to chase my dreams, becoming the best version of myself.

Thirteen weeks. I will be a better person when she touches down again.

2014 Race Schedule

So my racing buddy, Marisa, jump started the process and I ran with it, for lack of better puns. I've already signed up and laid out my "base" race schedule for next year. I have one race per month! Yep, I'm that crazy, and a couple of months will have additional runs because we plan on doing The Color Run and a few others through out the year as well. :P

• January - Ground Hog Run 5k ~ Benefiting the Children's TLC
• Febrary - Sweet Heart Run 5k, Healthy Holiday Series Run
• March - Leprechaun Lane Run 5k, Healthy Holiday Series Run
• April - Easter Escapade Run 5k, Healthy Holiday Series Run
• May - MGA Triple Crown Showdown ~ Benefiting the Myasthenia Gravis Association
• June - Firecracker Flight Run 5k, Healthy Holiday Series Run
• July - Stars & Stripes 5k Run ~ Benefiting Lee's Summit Social Services
• August - Labor Day Dash Run 5k, Healthy Holiday Series Run
• September - Broadway Bridge 10k Run ~ Benefiting Missouri Special Olympics
• October - Halloween Hustle Run 5k, Healthy Holiday Series Run
• November - Turkey Trails Run 5k, Healthy Holiday Series Run
• December - Candy Cane Course Run 5k, Healthy Holiday Series Run

If you are interested in joining in on the Healthy Holiday Series Fun Runs, you can sign up for ALL EIGHT races for a discounted price of $199.00 {That's a $65.00 discount}. Or you can sign up for individual races as well, simply click on the picture below or HERE. 

>>>BONUS, all of these races include:

USATF

Specialty T-shirts

Finisher Medals

Post Race Food

Chip Time

Cash Prizes

Let the fun begin!


 

**Please note that I am not sponsored or endorsed by Bodies Personal Training, just trying to spread the word!!! For each Holiday Race a new beneficiary is chosen and you, the donor, have a decision in that. Please contact Bodies Race Company for more information.

Turkey Trails 5K

Pre-Race, 24* and a wind chill of 11*. "Cold" was an understatement.

My windburn is so bad it looks like a terrible sunburn! Definitely investing in winter gear for next month's race. :P

Halloween Hustle

Running With The Angels 5k

Pre Race

Balloon release prior to the race start.

*Finish photos courtesy of SeeKCRun.com

Post Race

It was a nice course, killer monstrous hill, and it wasn't pain free for me. :( So tomorrow I will be calling the doctor back and it looks like some PT is in order for me. :/